Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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