Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
