You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
