guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
