We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
