my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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