Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
