well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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