did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
