I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
