My brain says no but my pants say off.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
