the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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