my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
