its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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