I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
