I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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