I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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