I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
