Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
