worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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