what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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