I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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