i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
