im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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