3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm too high and old for this...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
