Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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