I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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