Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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