Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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