Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
