Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
