you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
