He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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