Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
