The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
