I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
