i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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