he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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