I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
