Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
