Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
This house was built for laser tag.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
