It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
