how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
