Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
