hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
