I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
