the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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