went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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