I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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