tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
