Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
