i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
