Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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